#i am seriously considering going on meds

[welcometohighwater]

i’ve gotta get some new ways of ruining my life. things are getting boring

[5-htagonist]

ADHD TIPS: FOR THE NONMEDICATED AND THE MEDICATED

obviously, ADHD is not the same for everyone who has it. if you dont have ADHD, or aren't sure, but experience issues with executive function, memory, impulsivity, and emotional regulation, these tips can still be helpful!!!

practice radical self forgiveness

keep a notebook/journal

give your items a home

keep baskets, boxes, and bins, especially clear/mesh or anything that lets you see whats in it.

buy fruits/veggies/anything that spoils super quick the day youre going to use it

keep a list of easy meals

keep a trash receptacle in Every room

when you notice something dirty piling up, clean for just 5 minutes

do NOT worry about completing necessary chores. just do a little

if you need it frequently, keep it in sight, but off the floor if you can.

check under your bed, couch, or other corners where stuff can pile up when you get that random energy spike.

take a multivitamin, and cut down on soda (or other highly sugary food/beverages) if youre able. seriously!

specifically for the medicated!

take your meds, go to bed, and wake up at around the same time every day.

being vitamin deficient can make your medicine less effective. magnesium, B vitamins, omega 3s, and vitamin D might help. if you dont eat a lot of fruits, veggies, and fish, you are likely deficient in these at least.

stay. hydrated. For the love of god

try things you had trouble doing before medication

dont expect medicine to fix you

dont blame medicine for all of your improvement

no 2 people are the same, and what works for me might not work for you. i am likely on the spectrum, and i wasnt medicated at all for my ADHD until i was 17, and i wasnt on the right medicine until i was 21. i would recommend keeping that in mind while considering my tips!!

i will elaborate on these tips under the cut!

practice radical self forgiveness

i think this is the most important of all of these tips, which is why i put it first. i know its easy to look down on ourselves for our disability. but you must acknowledge this: you are disabled. you have a disability. you cannot hold yourself to the "normal" standard. more than likely, you grew up in an environment that didnt teach you how to navigate the world as you are, either. thats okay! we must teach ourselves.

try to view yourself as both the teacher/parent, and the child. when you forget something important, or make a careless mistake, or give into impulses, or say youll do it later and dont, or go too long without a bath, or let the trash pile up, you have to be kind to yourself. the child within you needs it. these things simply dont come naturally to us.

you must apologize to yourself as the child: im sorry i didnt pick up the trash. i know it makes the place dirty, and overwhelming. i will do my best to improve. i love you. you must forgive yourself as the parent: its okay, pumpkin. i forgive you. i know you didnt mean to make me overwhelmed, or to invite dirt into the home. i will help you improve. i love you. you also must do the reverse, apologize as the parent: im sorry, child. i did not teach you how to know you should pick up the trash. i did not teach you to recognize dirt. i will do better, and i will help you as best i can. i love you. forgive as the child: i forgive you. i know you are doing your best to lead me, and teach me what you know. you werent taught to pick up and see dirt either, were you? as long as you support and love me, we can figure it out together. i love you.

i know, to think this way can feel infantilizing sometimes. and its much harder to teach ourselves these habits. if its available, its okay to ask for help. just dont be too hard on yourself when your disability impairs your ability to be "normal." our habits die harder than most. even if you forget to maintain a habit, just do it when you remember.

2. keep a notebook/journal

i know, i know... every ADHDer HATES this tip. but it seriously works. dont hold yourself to a rigid standard when using it. i prefer dot grid journals, so i can write notes, or sketch, or make lists, or otherwise neatly divide pages how i wish, rather than it being blank/horizontally lined.

i dont keep a to do list all the time, i dont journal every day, i dont even look at the thing every day. there is no right way to use your journal. i use mine for many things at once: if i forget a notebook for class, or my laptop dies, i put my class notes in there. i put random doodles, layouts, oc pages, Big Feelings, and weekly/daily plans/to do lists. i dont obsessively keep up with it, or update it every day.

i DO use it when i feel overwhelmed. if i feel like 50 different things need to be done in 3 different domains and i dont know where to start, i write them down as i think of them. here is my typical order of operations (it took me a while to figure this out. i struggle deeply with prioritization.)

first, i write everything down i can think of that that moment. second, i label them necessary, important, and least important. third, i label how long they take (most time, some time, least time) finally, i start with the most important one that is the least overwhelming

now, i dont have an easy time labeling importance and time taken, of course. that can be the hardest part. but i dont worry so much about accuracy of my labels. i havent got it all down because i will almost always prioritize schoolwork over housework and hygiene, but we cant be perfect. the MOST important thing is always your health and safety.

dont worry about finishing a todo list, either. the most important thing is getting stuff you can forget on paper where you can look back at it when youre overwhelmed. you should keep your journal somewhere you access frequently or can see it.

also, the journal helps with big feelings. if youre feeling that white hot anger, the itching impulsivity, or rejection sensitivity, or anything that makes you think "i cant do this," start jotting words or pictures down. it can be anything. this will help when you feel that feeling the next time. we often get stuck in loops because we dont remember what caused a feeling or conflict, so we make the same mistakes. when you write it down, you can take your own word for it when you make a mistake. this makes it easier to recognize when youre falling into a pattern, and makes it easier to change your response.

3. give your items a home

if you arent constantly using something, or go more than a day without using it, send it home. an objects home is just somewhere it comes back to when its not needed, so that it isnt taking up space where it isnt needed. things like snacks, laundry (clean and dirty), art/craft/hobby materials, coats, electronics, plushies, anything. personify your stuff just a little bit- if you cant use it anymore, it cant find a home with you-- you have to send it on trash vacation. your coat wants to go home! pick it up and take it there when you can. its okay if that home isnt permanent, or if you lack materials/money to create a proper home. our coatrack is a chair right now, which is a much comfier home than the floor.

4. keep baskets, boxes, and bins, especially ones that are see through/visible

this helps you give your items a home. if you buy storage, get something stackable too, but even a cardboard box works. keep like objects together! and keep them near what theyre used for.

5. buy fruits/veggies/anything that spoils quickly the day youre going to use it

its sooo tempting to try to eat healthy and save money by stocking your fridge full of healthy produce and raw meat, but unfortunately i know how much money we waste forgetting/not having the energy to use them. if you need a fresh fruit, veggie, or meat, for something you are definitely planning on cooking, buy it the day of. if you have something in your fridge you dont think youre going to use before it rots or molds, stick it in the freezer!!!

also, frozen and canned fruits, veggies, and meats are just as good as fresh. they stay good for so long you dont have to worry about it going bad.

6. keep a list of easy meals

things that you can get down your gullet easily, and prepare easily. 1 pan meals, sandwiches, hotdogs, hot pockets, instant oatmeal, canned meals. i typically keep instant oatmeal and those tuna creations packets, as well as club/ritz crackers. also, skillet meals like velveeta skillets and hamburger helper are awesome, just keep some frozen ground beef (or meat of your choice) and youre good to go!

also, eggs last for MUCHHHH longer than the sell by date. i have had eggs 3 months past the date (note im american so they are under refrigeration) that were still good, but obviously that long past the date you should do a sniff test after breaking an egg. eggs are awesome in terms of ease of prep. heat your pan up to temp before cooking and they wont stick so bad. use cheese or milk to make a desirable texture for scrambled eggs or omlettes. dont forget salt and pepper (necessary...) you can also stir an egg and peanut butter into instant ramen for some actual nutrition. i also keep onion powder, paprika, and cayenne for yummy eggs.

in the egg vein, french toast is extremely easy and filling, and will sate a sweet tooth with some syrup!

7. keep a trash receptacle in every room

it doesnt have to be big, but having a designated trash spot in your bedroom is super helpful

8. when you notice something dirty piling up, clean for just 5 minutes

you dont have to clean to completion, thats overwhelming!!! but when you see something gross or messy and it bothers you, just take a couple minutes and pick up a little. play a song and tidy until the end of it! cleaning isnt all or nothing!

9. do not worry about completing chores, just do a little

in the same vein as the last one, the most important thing is getting the ball rolling. cleaning can be really hard because of the overwhelm of how bad it is. you can make it less bad a little at a time!

something ill do is sort out and scrape off the dishes before even thinking about doing them. that way, they take up less space and it doesnt look quite as bad. then next time i come to them, i do a bit more. or ill pick up the dirty laundry off the floor, then ill put it next to the washing machine, then ill wash/dry. i dont worry about folding and putting away unless im up for it-- its more important that theyre clean at all.

10. if you need it frequently, keep it in sight, but off the floor if you can.

remember, the floor is the stuff killer! if it must be on the floor, designate a spot.

11. check under the bed, couch, chairs, and piles if you have a random energy spike

i have found so much stuff i didnt even realize i lost. this also prevents pests and the accumulation of dirt.

12. take a multivitamin and cut down on soda (or other highly sugary foods) if youre able. seriously!

in high school i tried eating low-carb for a while. i didnt maintain this diet, but what i did maintain was not drinking soda regularly. when i say my head cleared and i felt less groggy, i mean it. if youre in the position, pay attention to the amount of sugars in what you eat and drink.

i know the "eat well" advice is given out too much, but nutrition seriously matters. if you care to work on your nutrition, do not worry about fat, carbs, or anything like that. just cut down on how often you eat highly sugary foods. you will feel so much better just from that. i have a sody pop as a treat every now and then and i have a whole other appreciation for it :-)

for the medicated:

take your meds, wake up, and go to bed around the same time

your body works on a schedule whether you want it to or not. pay attention to this schedule and try to work with it. when do you usually get tired? when do you prefer to wake up? when do you usually use the bathroom? this goes for nonmedicated people, too. your body will thank you!

2. vitamin deficiency can make medicine less effective. magnesium, B vitamins, vitamin D, and omega 3s can help.

these vitamins are all harmless, except for magnesium, which can slow your heart rate and cause shallow breathing IN HIGH DOSES. luckily, stimulants tend to deplete vitamins/electrolytes like magnesium, which can cause twitches and spasms. dont get large doses of these, 100% daily value is just fine.

3. for the love of god stay hydrated

imagine you are a machine and water is lubricant. stimulants suck up this lubricant to make you run more effectively. however, without extra, the machine will still run like shit. try to drink a whole glass with your medicine, and keep a cup to fill thru the day.

4. try things you had trouble with before medication

its super easy to get discouraged from something when you feel like a failure! try it again now! it may be easier. be sure to give yourself praise for what you do! your effort, your success, anything! this will teach your brain to see stuff through and help you feel and be more competent!

5. dont expect medicine to fix you

adderall, vyvanse, ritalin, none of these are a pill to fix you. they give you the capacity to work on yourself. dopamine is the "go get it" chemical. typically, ours is low and irregular, so we dont feel the drive to "go get it" when we need to, and we dont feel enough of a drive to see something through until we "get it." you still have to put in a lot of effort to fix habits and do work, medicine makes it so its easier. for me, it also reduces Noise in my head, so i can focus better. i still have to put effort into everything, its just less painful.

6. dont blame medicine for all of your improvement

again, medicine gives you capacity. YOU still do it all! its all you!!!!!! :D

thank u for reading i hope these are helpful! i feel like adhd tips are veryyy all or nothing and never explain WHY they may help, so i hope my explanations are helpful!

[sunstonez]

Remaking my post with more detail.

I've missed over a week of work because of my severe PTSD, and it's all unpaid time. This is going to completely fuck up my ability to pay rent, let alone afford the copay to the emergency therapy appointments I urgently need.

I am seriously in a horrible spot. It hasn't been this bad since I was testifying in court last year. I'm hallucinating and paranoid, im a danger to myself. My meds and my spouse only help so much, I just want time to recover without fucking up my financial life too.

Out of the wages I've missed and the therapist copay I need about $600 CAD to make it through February.

Please please please consider sharing this post

$0 / $600

p*ypal.me/hepelva

[grison-in-space]

Hello!

Since my elderly cat just died, I’m starting to bat around the idea of seriously training an at-home service cat. Pesterbot, routine nudges, maybe as much grounding pressure as they can give me (time for a big fluffy boy?), and if they pick up on med-alert cues, great.

I’ve chatted with the local rescue already - I figure I want one cat whose early life and temperament have set them up for secure attachment and assertiveness, and another to be a buddy for them, ok if they’re more skittish of humans. Ideally ~6-8 mo so the adult personality has started to show but I still have some relatively early socialization window.

Any thoughts on rescue vs breeder, breed, how to look for a breeder who *actually* values temperament and health, the odds of known ancestors and a known-good early life making that much of a difference? I’m liking the look of the forest cats (especially NFCs and Siberians) but also, $$$$ (though with a purebred cost is probably just something to plan for)? Or anything I’m missing in thinking through this?

No, I think you've hit just about everything that occurs to me. With a purebred cat(s), you're dealing with a history of selection that might be a little curtailed, which means you'll want to look for genetic disorders known to run in that line of cats and also that you will want to cross-reference opinions from multiple people in the breed if you can. With a rescue cat, you're looking at a whole lot of unknowns that can be really hard to predict, especially with respect to temperament at maturity.

I am not sure that NFCs or Siberians are the best temperamental range for that kind of work, though: you want an opinionated and socially oriented cat, and my understanding of the reputation of the forest cats is that they're like... slightly more active Ragdolls? I'd ping in @pangur-and-grim and @followthebluebell for assessments of breed temperaments. You're also going to want a relatively active cat who is interested in watching what you're doing and responding to your environment: remember, you'd be paying this cat to come interact with you when you're stuck / when an alarm goes off, and you'll have the most success with that if your cat likes thinking and moving with you.

This is also the sort of cat my spouse and I like best--active, bold, interested in interaction, easily bored--and we've been eyeing up some potential purebred options as well as considering rescue after, well, my last rescue kitten developed severe pica at around six months. That's less likely to happen to you with a 6-9mo adolescent kitten--I got Arthur at 10 weeks and he was obviously neurodivergent in some way by then, if only by virtue of his blindness--but it was pretty catastrophic for his ability to have unfettered access to me, for example.

From my perspective, the biggest benefit of purebred cats are that a lot of the cat breeds have selected clearly for specific ranges of temperament over time. It's definitely going to be easier to find someone else going "a bossy, energetic cat who wants to be Interacting With You frequently? boy howdy, I'd love that!" among the ranks of, well, Serious Cat People.... which includes a lot of cat breeders, but not a ton of cat owners. A lot of people seem to pick cats based on color, proximity, and kitten cuteness, which still blows my mind a bit coming from dogs!

I can tell you straight up that the best way to pick a rescue cat by temperament is to (ideally) aim for a foster based rescue, contact an adoption coordinator directly, and explain that you are looking for a cat based on personality rather than based on looks, that you're looking for a fairly high-demand cat, and ask them if any candidates come to mind. (My experience is that not caring about appearance and being open to cats which are not very young kittens motivates those coordinators to think of their favorite individual cats to suggest.)

You could also look for local cat trainers in your area--a specialty that is getting increasingly popular! look near veterinary behaviorists or cat-only vets--and see if they have recommendations, since they probably have a lot of experience with high-demand cats and people who invest a lot into their cats in your area. Basically, find yourself a way to talk to people who have interacted with a lot of the cats locally up for adoption, especially because the ideal temperament for a service cat is not necessarily going to be everyone else's cup of tea for a pet cat.

I can tell you that a big chunk of the people I have found actively breeding for that kind of temperament are involved with the various wildcat cross breeds, particularly Bengals (which is where I'd start rather than Savannahs or Chausies, personally: it's easier to find F5+ individuals, especially if you're looking for people who are really interested in breeding for trainability). My sense with the purebreds based on my reading is that Abyssinians or, if you can find them, Havana Browns might also be worth a look.

Consider if and when approaching a breeder or rescue: what are you going to do if one or both potential cats wash out of service work? Would you rehome them and try again? (To whom?) Would you keep them as ESAs and add a third cat? The natural concern that a lot of people will have about being approached for a service animal, especially one like a cat, is "what happens if it doesn't work out?" I think your plan is to go "well then I still have pet cats," but that should be clear to your potential cat sources, too.

But anyway, that's why I tagged Greer and Bluebell: both of them have way more personal experience with cat breeders and purebred cats than I do, and I think they'd be good resources if you want to aim in a more purpose-bred direction.

[skellish]

Please help a disabled (seeking disability) trans woman keep her apartment!

Hi everyone, my name is Delia, I’m a 25 year old trans woman with several disabilities, such as ADHD, possible autism, BPD, depression, anxiety, CPTSD, chronic fatigue, et cetera. I need real help in order to keep the apartment that I fought so hard to get. I am seeking disability right now, but it is going extremely slowly and I don’t know when I’ll see any help from the government. Let me explain a bit of my situation.

Medicine has never really worked for me, and I recently decided I needed to come off wellbutrin because it was making my anxiety a lot worse, as well as depleting my ability to really feel anything at all, so my doctor recommended I stop and try a new med. I can’t afford to go to the doctor very often so I stopped the medicine a month ago and am going back in September to try something different that will hopefully help.

Essentially, I live in income based apartments and lately, my disabilities have been either preventing or seriously hindering me from getting to my job. I used to work basically full time at my deli job and it became too much due to me being burnt out for like the last 5 years, so I had to cut down. I work three days a week now, and it’s already becoming too much again because of said perpetual burn out and medication withdrawal. I have either been missing work entirely or been late every single day, and they haven’t fired me yet but I fear the worst is coming soon.

Right now, my rent is $372, my water bill is already behind, power bill still needs paying, and I only have ≈$100 in my bank account right now. I am planning to yard sale both this Friday and Saturday, and next, and get some more cash before it is due, which is on the 10th of August. On the 10th, they will serve me an eviction notice to get out by the 20th unless I can get the money.

I am asking here if anyone could spare anything, any amount is immensely appreciated. I have been on my own for a few years now with little to no support, and I've always despised needing or asking for it, but the fact of the matter though is that this is my last Hail Mary to save my sinking ship, and I'm desperate.

I know most folks here are also struggling though, and I hate to make this post, but I am kind of at my wits end in regards to keeping this apartment. This has been my first somewhat stable home in pretty much my whole life and I'm terrified of being forced to move yet again. If I can just get this month’s rent paid, I will be able to find a new, more tolerable job in the meantime while I am seeking disability benefits, and then hopefully keep the ball rolling.

Any amount will help, I am honestly begging and I will appreciate anything anyone can spare, be it a donation or a share.

Update 8-12-24: so we have made some good progress here and I am thankful. Sadly some unforseen expenses had come out, so not exactly where I'd like it, but it is coming along. I've just got 8 ish days left to come up with the rest though, so. I am considering selling my Playstation, and that was unconscionable previously, so things are fairly dire.

V3nm0: @Skellish

C@sh@pp: $Skellish69

Goal: $372

Current: $110 / updated: $190, (still need $182)

[rene-lads-nikki-trashcan]

I wanna briefly rant about Caleb cuz he's now my second bae and I am intrigued by his future storyline.

Also, this man is living rent-free in my head so this is my attempt of getting him outta my mind cuz good lord I have loads of works to do I can't afford to be distracted by his dreamy smile.

(A BIT OF SPOILERS ABOUT CALEB'S BOND STORYLINE& SYLUS' DRAGON MYTH UNDER THE CUT IN CASE YOU HAVEN'T CHECKED THEM OUT YET)

So, I have seen posts and theories that he gets the Bucky Barnes treatment and those red flags behaviour are because of the mind-control chip MC suspects being implanted into his brain...

But is it really tho?

Cuz in the bond storyline as they reminisced of their past as literal teens/children, Caleb admitted to purposely lock MC in the attic because he thought that the school bullies will target her if he confronted them with her tagging along.

That's a red flag behaviour and he was a child then.

Personally, I don't think he is mind-controlled or brainwashed at all. He has always shown the willingness to go to the far extreme route in his attempts to protect MC. The behaviour has been there long before the KABOOM, even back when they were children.

I have also seen people pointing out that he seems to change personalities when bright light flashes on his eyes, and although that might be a compelling clue to the mind-control chip plotline, it doesn't add up to his bond storyline (which if I understand correctly, happens before the KABOOM, therefore he isn't yet involved with the Fleet). The lightning flashing on his eyes and his personality immediately shifting happened in the bond story too so now I'm considering that instead of a trigger implanted into him by the Fleet, it is just a storytelling device to indicate that there's untamed storm beneath the sunshine persona he usually is.

I mean, look at these. He has always had those cold calculating look whenever he thinks he needs to keep MC safe.

Looking at what I had of him so far (I haven't got his memory pair yet so my info is a bit limited) I think Caleb has always been obsessively fixated on MC. He is a red flag right from the start and the trigger to his yandere-ness is his motivation to protect her.

MC is threatened, must protect at all cost. <- Caleb's yandereness in a nutshell

That's it. That's all he needs for his inner yandere to rear its ugly obsessive head.

When they were children, the threat was bullies, so he locked her up in the attic while he dealt with it.

In the recent main story, the threat was the Fleet's agenda to get Kevi and MC's own stubbornness to rescue the boy, so he drugged her (you can't convince me that the meds MC took that night isn't some drugs to keep her asleep) and therefore stopped her from getting in the Fleet's way.

When MC is curious about the "clean-up", he perceived her desire as a threat to her own safety, hence why he hid her guns and locked her in her room.

The pattern I'm seeing right now is that the more prominent the danger MC is exposed to/MC exposed herself to; the more unhinged and extreme Caleb's actions to keep her out of the danger will be.

It's obviously toxic and seriously unhealthy kind of love, but it also showcases those nuances of his motivation and love, which I think fleshes out his character. I personally hope that the writers wouldn't chicken out on the foundation they have laid for his storyline. He might not be the ML for everyone, but I really hope they don't give him the Bucky Barnes treatment in the future. It would feel like having him brainwashed @ mind-controlled by the Fleet kinda discredit his motivation as a character as we then would have no choice but to put him as the helpless victim under the control of a faceless organisation.

I personally don't want that because I think having him perfectly aware and consciously making the choices he thinks (no matter how misguided and arrogant this mindset is) will keep MC safe, regardless of how unhingedly toxic those choices are, would bring out a more interesting and nuanced storyline. Since he is obviously gonna be the dark romance route, I don't want his route to be that of a black and white romance where we see him as the good guy of the whole conflict halfway of his story. I want it grey. Make me weighs his perspective and choices against my personal moral values. Make me fear for MC's well-being/safety while she is around him, but at the same time make me fully understand and support MC when she simply couldn't find it in herself to abandon him for good. Make me understand his motivation behind his concerning actions yet not find a single reason to excuse them. I want to be made to debate against myself whether he should have the chance with my babygirl MC or not.

I have had my fill of dark ML who ends up as the greenest of green flags from Sylus. All those edits I saw making Sylus to be this dark romance route but then the dragon myth came out and changed my perspective of his route 180 degree. With the dragon myth storyline, all of Sylus' concerning red flags actions has been put into a much brighter and bittersweet light. He forced the resonance at the start because Sorceress MC owned part of his soul and honestly, it feels justified for him to attempt that connection. After all, she cursed him to never rest in peace until they became one once again. Man probably has all the rights to be offended when MC couldn't connect to him despite cursing his whole existence. The whole myth also provided the much needed context on why Sylus always put himself as literal flesh shield for MC, because he has been doing that even during their first life together. I mean, he willingly died by her hand/sword in the myth because he couldn't bear submitting to the dragon curse of being made to kill his own beloved. Ain't no way I can view his route as dark romance route anymore when the tragic love shared between the dragon and the sorceress is so heartbreakingly pure.

I wish Caleb's route will remain true to its dark romance roots. Keep the red flags bright and loud that we as the players couldn't excuse him. Make me both fear and love him. Put MC in the crossroads, torn between accepting his poisonous devotion (because he does that for her sake, doesn't he?) and attempting (and failing) to fix him. They probably need lots of couple's therapy if both of them survived until the end but hey in this day and age, who didn't?

TLDR; As of right now, Caleb's storyline has the potentials to be so grey and deliciously dark that I really hope they don't fuck it up simply because he isn't everyone's bite of apple. His route doesn't have to appeal to everyone but I desperately NEED it to stick to a very grey and dark romance.

Aight, rant's over. Caleb, gtfo my head I got works to do my man 😂

[myfairkatiecat]

The Katielife Soap Opera™️

Here's the drama that's going on, all in the past 24 hours! I kid you not. 24. I almost said 48 but then did the math and realized it really was 24. This day will never end

Part 1: The Roommate Saga

Making this one short bc I've told you all about it, but long story short: my roommate in the first semester was seeing this ugly ass guy and she was on and off with him in this awful situationship. He ended up giving her mono (which he knew he had) and she still went back to him. Eventually she ended them for good--until she was drunk at a party last weekend! Okay but seriously they're done for good now.

Don't believe her? Yeah, neither did I. You can read all about it in my past roommate saga posts, which have been made. But now there's ANOTHER guy! I found out bc last night he slid a note under our door telling her to send him a cute pic! She spilled the tea and it turns out he's a player but he's cute so she's going for it anyway! Technically he's Christian, so she's like, "he doesn't break The Rule!" But... he's... he's a fuckboy... I am floored by her poor decision making.

Part 2: The Mr. Friendtoallwomen Saga

Mr. Friendtoallwomen has been making friends with a lot of women at this college. He's a genuinely nice guy and even made friends with me and my best friend. But here's the thing... he always has a crush on a new one of those women. He's always asking girls out. He hangs out with all these girls one on one. He's just desperate.

Desperate, but genuinely nice, so my friend doesn't want to STOP being friends with him.

Then it became increasingly obvious that he liked her.

And she began to catch feelings for him, but we all warned her it was a bad idea and she agreed. She eventually, after an agonizing week, managed to lose feelings for him.

He was being super touchy feely with her the other night, but then abruptly switched on the same night to being touchy with another of our friends. Afterwards, he told my best friend that he liked the other friend. (The other friend already had been asked out by him and rejected him.) My best friend cried about it before remembering that she didn't like him or want to date him.

Mr. Friendtoallwomen got stood up by the other girl, and is now back to liking my best friend. But my best friend has bigger problems now...

Part 3: The Urgent Care Saga

For you see, then my best friend got very very sick. Incredibly sick. Her roomate and I were incredibly worried about her (even her roomate, who is an overall terrible person and always mean to her, which is how you KNOW something is wrong). (Oh I should do a tea spill session on why we hate her roommate on another date.) So I went to get my car to take her to urgent care but found out my key was broken. Awesomesauce.

I have an old car with a manual key insert though, so it was ok and I was able to get my car working.

I take her to urgent care. We sit in the waiting room for 40 minutes while she's about to puke, trash talking the people working there in Spanish because they weren't doing their jobs? Like they just sat there gossipping while they had her id and insurance card.

She eventually gets in, sees a male doctor, the male doctor figures out she's on her period and dismisses her entire illness as symptoms of Being A Woman. When she pointed out that she had a fever, he considered that it could be an STD. She said no, it's not that, I'm not sexually active. He considers pregnancy. She again is like did you not just hear me. By the way, if you're wondering what her symptoms were and why he was assuming THAT had to be the cause? WHO KNOWS?! major nausea, involuntary shaking, fever, hot cold flashes, inability to move, fuzzy vision, wheezing, coughing up green chunks, and being unable to think definitely seem like your average womanhood symptoms.

He gave her some nausea meds, referred her to a gyn (????????) and sent her home. (???????????????????)

Part 4: The First Breakup Saga

Today, I get a text from a friend from home who said he broke up with his boyfriend. This was major news. The two of them have been dating for two years. Even worse, all of their friends are the same people.

Now, I knew their relationship wasn't going to work out. The guy I was friends with first just has some quirks about him that meant he and this other guy, who I also liked a lot and is a great person, were never going to be able to work out long term. It's complicated and I don't want to get into it, but I just knew.

I still felt awful for him, though. So when he needed someone to talk to, I was there for him and let him explain the story. Apparently the guy did it in a few text messages out of nowhere after a week of silence. A+ communication, folks. My friend said he's not even angry, he's just sad and still loves him. I jokingly told him to put on SOUR.

Basically, my friend was broken up with (for the exact reason I figured would happen) and I texted my family (who was close with these friends and who also were worried their relationship wouldn't work out) and told them it happened. I needed somewhere I could say "I'm glad they broke up sooner rather than later" without seeming insensitive, and that couldn't be my friend group. But I really did feel for my friends.

While I'm on this call, I get a text from my brother saying he wants advice on how to break up with his girlfriend.

Part 5: The Second Breakup Saga

I leave the call with my friend to talk to my brother. He's fifteen, he's in a great, healthy relationship with a girl he was close friends with, and I'm like, HELLO??? They were a fantastic relationship. They were good friends, grew closer and closer until they were obviously going to date, and then they started dating and everything was great.

And then my brother texts and basically says the same thing my friend's boyfriend said about their relationship. I was like, this cannot be happening.

I grilled my brother for reasons, making him articulate his feelings (he's a 15 year old boy. he's scared of emotions. I get it.) He basically says the vibes feel weird and he wants the friendship back. My heart is breaking for his girlfriend because they're so cute and sweet and she loves him so much, but I agree he shouldn't string her along, no matter how sad it is. So I tell him to not do it over text, and he agrees.

He wants to do it in person, but it isn't going to be an option, so we resolved he would do it over facetime and I coached him slightly on how to talk to her about it gently. I mention the breakup between my friend and his boyfriend.

My brother goes oh yeah, about that....

Part 6: The Accidentally Starting a Rumor Saga

Turns out, remember how I texted my family? Here I'll copy and paste that part: I texted my family (who was close with these friends and who also were worried their relationship wouldn't work out) and told them it happened. I needed somewhere I could say "I'm glad they broke up sooner rather than later" without seeming insensitive, and that couldn't be my friend group. Yeah so remember how that happened?

Turned out, my brother opened that message sequence while a mutual friend of us and the boyfriends who broke up was looking over his shoulder. That friend took the phone and read over the whole dang exchange, seeing me say that I was secretly glad it happened. It looked really really really bad.

He went into basically shock, because no one thought this couple was gonna break up (EXCEPT ME!!! BECAUSE I KNEW MY FRIEND REALLY REALLY WELL!!!!!) and he was really attatched to them both. He found out simultaneously that the two of them were officially over AND that I never believed in them in the first place! And now he's probably going to spread that around! Which is great!

I texted my friend to let him know that this happened and told him I was so sorry. Well... I told him about the "this guy found out by looking at my brother's texts" thing. I didn't tell him the whole "I never thought this relationship was going to work" thing, and I am PRAYING that doesn't get spread around. But this guy is in high school, and high schools are breeding grounds for atrocious rumors.

THIS WAS ALL IN 24 HOURS

THIS DAY WILL NEVER END

[ladylucksrogue]

I don't write a lot if these kinds of posts but I had a bit of a health scare this past week. I'll preface and say that I'm doing better.

Maybe this will help someone recognize symptoms a bit better than I did, because it really could have gone horribly wrong.

I have several medical issues, including an autoimmune condition called SLE (systemic lupus erythematosus) which I've had for a long time and is well managed. I also used to work in the medical field, and know my body fairly well. As with many people that have lupus, I unfortunately am a bit jaded with certain symptoms because it's always, is it just your lupus or is it something you should go to the doctor for? Because honestly, I've gone to the doctor so often only to hear, yup, lupus.

That being said, my meds make me susceptible to catching every little thing that goes around.

So when I woke up with a stomach ache, I was just like great, a stomach bug. It kept getting worse. Knew it wasn't appendicitis because it was literally my stomach cramping.

It got so bad that I was like I have to go to the hospital because it was literally radiating to my back and I couldn't stand up straight.

It wasn't until I was at the hospital, where they at first assumed it was the stomach flu, that I mentioned the pain in my back too, where they took me seriously. Thought it was my gall bladder (mine was removed). And then mentioned pancreatitis.

I mean I know of it. But I've never seen a case except in a dog. Never thought about it. So blood tests, ultrasound, other tests ensued.

Of course me on google, researching. And then the 40 percent mortality rate in combination with lupus jumped out at me. It's been a rare thing where I've ever been confronted with something so serious. My labs looked too good, Ive had that happen so often in my life. My labs are good till they aren't. I was sent home, with pain meds, waiting on other labs. I finally got clearance yesterday. It's not pancreatitis. I have blood and protein in my urine, nothing new, and although a kidney infection sounds scary it's familiar territory. Still not sure why my stomach was affected. No one knows, mysteries of life.

Everyone knows certain symptoms, like if your right side hurts, could be appendicitis. Medical emergency.

No one talks about pancreatitis though, the symptoms or that it can be literally life threatening too. So consider this my little PSA. I might not have actually had this, but the scare is enough for a lifetime.

Take care out there everyone and stay healthy.

[vaspider]

To be fair I may be wrong considering how biases in med science leads to correlative data, but from what I have seen, being overweight leads to health issues? I remember being back in high school being taught that having more fat equated to heart strain, since more blood needed to be moved throughout the body within the same time frame than for a person of expected weight

And more recently when I went looking for research papers on being overweight and the associated heart issues (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6179812/#:~:text=The%20increased%20cardiac%20output%20in,an%20increase%20in%20stroke%20volume.)

From your post, yea definitely fat phobia in medical spaces is a horrifying thing, and probably led to many of these ‘get fat and you’ll have this health condition’ ideas circulating

Though I was curious if you think being fat within a certain ‘range’ has no negative health impacts? (Genuinely contused and curious)

Seriously, I'm not going to get into this discourse or provide you with an exhaustive explanation of how medical bias affects research and the interpretation of results when so many people out there have already done the work, and I linked to books you can read and pointed towards a podcast you can listen to already.

But, since you ignored those things and came into my inbox 'just asking questions,' you can start here:

Or maybe you can look at @fatphobiabusters or @fatliberation, or @fatsexybitch, who have already done a lot of work on this.

I am genuinely not interested in this conversation.

[submalevolentgrace]

Hi! I hope you're doing well :) please don't stop talking about how prosthesis limbs suck and your experience with them! I'm in medical school right now, and I thought it was amazing to read because it highlights 1. how doctors need to listen to their patients 2. Wow doctors kind of suck and patients should be able to advocate for themselves, and if they can't do that, someone should! And 3. Patients shouldn't be pressured into doing things they don't want to do. For me personally, I kind of already had those ideas, but your posts really put it into perspective and just emphasized them and I'm really appreciative of that :) last thing (promise) I was wondering if you've seen/read Dororo! One of the main characters (Hyakkimaru) spends the majority (like 90%) without arms, instead having sword attachments that are covered with fake arms. I was wondering if you had seen it/him and had any thoughts. If not, it might be something to check out! Thank you again :D

so i showed this ask to my girlfriend, who knows me (and my trauma) very well, and she said: "I would recommend NOT googling that character, that's for sure. this is almost the exact worst kind of thing someone could mention you check out! I wont go into detail but it's also the exact example of taking a disabled person and "fixing" them back to normal that you were talking about."

so, you're already off to a bad start i'm afraid.

listen. if you have any scraps of empathy and compassion and belief in patients' autonomy left, hold onto them, guard them, and fortify them against the education you're going through. med school will try to crush any compassion and empathy you had out of you. residency will grind your humanity for your patients down to nothing, you will be encouraged to stop seeing them as people, and your colleagues will train you to believe that you are right and know what's best, and patients are wrong and lie and are a danger to themselves. you will be taught that patients advocating for themselves rather than blindly listening is an annoying interruption to you trying to save them, or maybe even proof that they are a risk to themselves and cannot be trusted. you will be exhausted and frustrated and angry, and you will be faced with a patient who rightly believes what's best for themselves is something you believe is harmful to them. will you have enough compassion, empathy, and belief in patients' autonomy left to respect them as a human being, as a person?

you have to understand where i am coming from. i have a serious condition that's been misdiagnosed twice, forced onto treatments i didn't want, and denied treatment that would help me because of my "attitude", and once a diagnosis is on the records no doctor will consider any other possibility, so i have suffered without care for years on end. i have been sexually assaulted by doctors in their treatment rooms, and then told that's impossible BECAUSE they are a doctor, and doctors are good.

i have had surgery performed on me against my consent. this is not uncommon for disabled people. it was not necessary to save my life. i advocated, i begged, and i was denied the right to consent. it was an unneeded major surgery that harmed me, physically and psychologically, that i will never recover from.

but why would they do this, you must be asking? i must be omitting detail that makes it make sense, you are probably thinking. already thinking like a doctor, shaped by those beliefs. they MUST have been trying to help me in some way with that surgery, right? i must be lying about it, right?

my great crime there is that i was comfortable being disabled. i was at peace with loss of limb, a limb that was already failing me, already useless. i was prepared to be physically, seriously disabled, and they could not comprehend that, could not accept that. in the eyes of a doctor, losing a limb makes someone broken; disability is the enemy, and it must be fought at all cost, the patient must be FIXED at all costs, even if they don't want it. and doctors will go to extreme lengths to make that happen, patient be damned. that's a doctor's idea of compassion: patients must be fixed, even if it harms them.

to me, and most disabled folks i've ever spoken to, doctors are basically like cops; a dangerous threatening force of harm, but that you have to perform correct behavior and respect around in order to stay safe. but where cops are legally blessed to kidnap and murder you, doctors are legally blessed to kidnap and torture you, to invade and change your body in the most intimate ways, and they will tell you, themselves, and each other that they do it for your own good.

so, have i bruised your ego? are you feeling attacked, defensive, accused of being in a cohort of monsters, certain that you could never be like that, that you're one of the good ones? you're already in med school, you're already someone with the qualities to self select for it and the privilege and abledness to make it in, you already have that baggage to try and counter if you want to empathise with your patients. how much pressure has there been from your family and peers to do it, how much praise have you gotten, how much has that fed your ego, your sense of being better than others? better able to help others? better qualified to know what's best for others? i hope that you do genuinely have compassion, and empathy, and belief in patients' autonomy in you, and it's not just hollow words you tell yourself are values.

i hope you have that compassion, and can act on that belief in autonomy. because it's not just about a prostheses one can take off and throw away. if you make it through the grinder and become a doctor, one day you will be faced with a patient that says "i would rather be permanently broken in a way that you find unacceptable, than put up with the treatment you want me to have", and you will believe, with your full heart and mind and vast knowledge of medicine, you will KNOW in yourself that they are wrong.

are you willing to accept that YOU are wrong, and they are actually right? are you willing to deem them worthy of autonomy? or will you prep them for surgery to fix them, as they are begging you not to?

[ryuichirou]

if you want to, could you share your headcanons for the twst omegas in heat? like i can see riddle getting frustrated/flustered because he keeps forgetting rules…including the one that says if he’s in head he can just relax trey pls help him

Like I said in another ABO-related hc post, it’s incredible how much I end up yapping about it considering that that at the beginning I always think that I have nothing to say about omegaverse-related things lol

Sorry for the wait, Anon! And thank you for this ask, it was interesting to think about all of the boys… As always, starting with Riddle, and I actually agree with everything you’ve said about him!

Riddle – his first estrus is going to hit him like a truck. He’ll absolutely get flustered, start forgetting rules, feel dizzy; overall he’d seriously underestimate just how bad it’s going to be. Maybe it’s because he is a late bloomer… He is very snappy whenever he is in heat, not only because of how shitty he feels, but also because he is embarrassed to be in this state. Riddle knows that he is allowed to take it easy when he’s in heat, but he doesn’t want to! Trey tries to take care of him, but never really oversteps , even though he knows that getting laid would help Riddle a lot… he should really hurry and make up his mind though, because if he isn’t, a certain huge-ass fish is going to scratch the Goldfishie’s itch and drown him in eel juices~

Deuce – oh he hates being in heat, and he is a bit traumatised by it because of that one time he didn’t take his meds when he was a delinquent and almost got in trouble. Now he takes them every single time, but they don’t help him as much as he would like them to; maybe it’s because his body built up tolerance, maybe it’s because he takes the cheapest widely available meds. He should talk to other omegas, but he is too embarrassed, so he just tries to combat it silently… He is also sure that people don’t know that he is an omega, but everyone around him knows. His Heartslabyul senpais know. Jack knows (and it’s a bit difficult for him to run near Deuce when he’s in heat, so he runs faster lol). Even Ace knows… but doesn’t address it because he’s waiting for Deuce to do it. But it’s a very hard thing to do, when your closest friend starts smelling so deliciously every month, being active, sweating and smelling even more. They’re 100% going to have sex before they have an actual conversation about them being an alpha and an omega.

Leona – “don’t touch me I am in foul mood” type of estrus. Well, actually, he has very good medications that were tailored to his personal health and needs specifically, so it shouldn’t be a problem for him, but he still gets lazy and moody. The fact that he is an omega is an open secret – people in Savanaclaw usually don’t assume that, but it’s not like it’s hidden from those who pay attention. Ruggie noticed that instantly and became Leona’s personal plaything since the first estrus that Ruggie was present for. It kind of happened on accident, but then became an agreement of sorts; so not every time Leona is in heat, Ruggie is always there to have sex with him and make him feel better. As long as he doesn’t claim him, it’s all allowed, and Leona prefers to calm himself with sex and not meds anyway.

Jamil – he is very careful when he is in heat: he tracks his cycle, he takes all the meds, he is extra careful about his hygiene and uses different types of deodorant, and he even avoids food that could affect his hormones in any way. In result, he is seemingly flawless, even his performance during his basketball practice doesn’t suffer when he is in heat; there is only a couple of people in the school who even know that Jamil is an omega. But this is because they don’t see how much he suffers at night, when the meds wear off and he has to bite his pillow and push his fingers deep inside to ease himself a little bit. He had to use snake whisper on someone once though because that random Scarabia student saw him doing just that, and Jamil erased his memory. Should’ve used him to have sex… But he just panickedbecause the guy saw him as he was suffocating himself with Kalim’s dirty shirt.

Vil – he completely conquered estrus lol He learned how to make the most perfect soothing potion that doesn’t make him sleepy, but keeps him calm, dulls his scent significantly and ALSO gives him some extra vitamins, calcium, collagen or something among the lines. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work for all omegas as perfectly as it works for him, so it’s not like he’s just gatekeeping it for himself. Still, he isn’t hidden as perfectly as Jamil is – those who have heightened sense of smell (like Rook or the Tweels or Jack) could still figure out that he is in heat, he just isn’t affected by it. Also, whenever he has time to relax and unwind, it becomes even more obvious that he is in heat because he has his clingy horny moments, “passive” moments when he just lies there and looks at his lover like he is waiting to get eaten. And when Vil finally gets fucked by him, he clings to an alpha’s dick as if his life depends on it. He enjoys indulging on his omega instincts much more than he cares to admit, to be honest… he tries to always be proper and think rationally, but a feral hungry beast (bitch..??) inside him jumps out sometimes.

Epel – he is damn lucky that his first estrus happened when he was already under Vil’s wing because he shares all the remedies and potions with Epel and even tries to be kinder to him when he suffers through his heat. That being said, during that estrus Epel threw a tantrum, got angry and refused Vil’s help because he really wasn’t ready to face the fact that he is an omega (the signs were there all this time, but Epel was in denial…). Did he end up lying on the floor of the Pomefiore’s hallway, whining and moaning in a puddle of his own slick, unable to stand up because of his shaky legs? Of course he did. And almost felt his uterus (of which existence he was unaware only an hour ago) jump out of him because there was an alpha nearby, and it was the first time Epel felt this mix of fear and strong desire: he didn’t care who it was, but he was very scared of him and still wanted that alpha to fuck him. Luckily, it was just Rook who came to pick Epel up~ And he was his usual comforting silly Rook self, but when he warned Epel that any other alpha could’ve easily taken advantage of him, Epel felt cold… but also a little disappointed, as if Rook just refused him. What the fuck was this feeling??

Idia – he is lucky because his estrus isn’t as strong, plus the Shrouds are pretty much a dynasty of omegas, so the meds they provide are pretty good. He still feels the tingles and dull pain, plus he gets a bit dizzy and sleepy, but he spends all his time in his room anyway, surrounding by comforting scents and Ortho who is completely unbothered by this whole ABO thing. Idia loves to talk about how Ortho is the perfect companion during his estrus because he isn’t going crazy because of his scent, he brings him everything that he needs; Ortho even massages Idia’s nape and stomach, which usually soothes him a lot, sometimes Idia even feels like purring when it happens. But sometimes Ortho pushes these spots in a way that stimulates Idia’s omega parts, so Idia gets hornier instead. He usually just asks Ortho to stop massaging him, awkwardly says that everything is okay and runs to the bathroom, but Ortho knows that Idia can’t run from it forever: he has to stimulate his body and ejaculate from time to time! Also, when Idia actually touches himself (very rarely), sometimes he starts thinking if Crimson Muscle is an alpha… he probably is, right? But Idia shouldn’t think about it, this is just pointless…

Silver – at first it seems like he doesn’t care about being in heat at all, but it’s because he is very well-trained and does everything for it not to bother him, but unfortunately his methods are a bit… “primitive”. A lot of it is just him pushing through his own arousal, pain and fatigue, plus some plant-based remedies he learned back when he used to live in the woods. The only more-or-less modern thing that he does is that he uses a buttplug (Lilia’s gift!), which sounds very counter-intuitive… and it absolutely is, but maybe due to it being a habit, it helps Silver to stay focused when he’s training + it seems to help to cover his scent a little bit. But whenever he pulls it out, it’s waterfalls of omega juice… it’s honestly a miracle that Sebek didn’t jump him yet, but when he learns how Silver is handling his body, he’ll get so mad that he’ll eat him alive lol But also Lilia rewards Silver generously for being a good boy after a couple of days of him suffering in heat, so it’s all good~

Malleus – his estrus hits him the hardest, it’s like the nature glitches with him: dragon fae don’t even produce offsprings all that often, but his body is still super demanding every other month. And it happens even before he is in heat: he loses appetite, gets a bit snappy, and then, when he is in heat, he starts hiding and wants to either be alone or be with his lover at all times. Lilia always asks him not to hide and just stay in his room because he doesn’t want to go looking for him, but somehow it always ends with Malleus telling Lilia that it shouldn’t be that difficult for him to find Malleus, since he knows the scent so well and all, and somehow it leads to them having sex. Lilia always tells himself that he should stop doing it, and that this is the last time he’s giving in and indulging both of them like this. Malleus should find himself an alpha, goddamnit!

[gaycavilltheorists-blog]

Former Henry fan here, former as in since 2020 his roles have been 🤷‍♀️ to me. Anyway, I want to tell you a story. This is long...

Before Natalie, his fans were full of nasty mean girls. Mainly the ones who are now MIA and haven't said a peep since 2021. They were ruthless! I am talking grown women trying to convince other grown women to bully others because they hadn't watched his entire catalog. Or they didn't know the name of his hairdresser's aunt's mailmans dog walker.

If you wrote fanfics (some of them were very talented writers! I think one lady had a novel professionally published later on) and didn't write exclusively BDSM, Rough, Dirty AF smut the same group of mean girls would bully for that.

They would gang up on each other, ostracizeing anyone who didn't idolize Henry or worship his dirty stinky ass. They literally caused several people to leave the internet. I am serious! Some vanished. No social media left. Nada! I know because one woman and I are in touch via other communication after they bullied her to the point they were calling her job!

Then along came Natalie. Suddenly these ladies went quiet. They all took some time off, pretending that they never truly wanted to suck Henry's dick and whatever dirty things they fantasized about a few years earlier.

Along with this were the casual fans. They enjoyed his movies, knew his dog's name, and admired him for the fact he was British and seemed to love Animals and his family. These people are still around, but wisely so hiding in the shadows.

I guess I am telling you this because I see so many new mean girls. Coming around, sniffing, accusing new and old fans of not supporting Henry or hiding their identity etc. I think people are staying away, because they got it so bad before he had a baby mama that they don't want a repeat of the bullshit.

But at the same time, his fandom has always been absolute bullshit. However this is a new level and I am like....... WTF?! People used to tell one another to k*!! Themself because they didn't like a certain fic author or because they liked Man of Steel better than Night Hunter.

I see a pattern and I want to say thanks for being fun! Thanks for mindless Gossip and laughs. Thanks for not taking this seriously and just being a nice read when someone needs a laugh.

Shugs, you're welcome on my tumblr anytime

With the way the world is going to shit, this celebrity shit is a good laugh.

Especially when the stans run to Famous Fix and start with their bullshit over there, it's savage and full of yummy drama.

I'm living for the drama and them going for each other's throats 😂

It's literally like watching RuPaul's Drag Race😂

It's even more hilarious when the stans play the name blame game and go off their bi polar meds 😂

So I welcome anyone who knows that cavill's relationship is bullshit and wants a good, hardy laugh

I like to consider my tumblr a refuge for those who have been bullied by the stans

[spwarkledogz]

WELCOME TO MY BLOG!!

ABOUT ME

my name is miles/ellie/mimi! i'm 20 yrs old! this is my therian/otherkin/fictionkin specific sideblog!

i used to be @silly-catpup but i deactivated! i'm starting over here :3 i figured out a lot more things about my identity anyway, so!!

more in depth about me and boundaries under the cut to avoid a long post ..

im very queer and very not quiet about it. i'm a transmasc bigender lesbian girlboy. no, you do not need an explanation of my identity (unless you are really nice about it, of course!)

im a polytherian shapeshifter! my theriotypes are; sparkledog, snow leopard, and cat.

i am a physical therian! if that bothers you, block me forever. we are real and we are not going anywhere!!

me being a sparkledog really has nothing to do with a personal aesthetic that i have. im not necessarily a "scene kid" at all, im just a really colorful dog that looks like 2008 threw up all over it.

my theriotypes are mainly anthropomorphic, but don't always have to be.

i'll probably make a rentry relating to my fictotypes someday but today is not that day

i am low-med support autistic, physically disabled, and an AAC and mobility aid user!

BOUNDARIES

i dont tolerate bigotry of any kind. this includes people who are hateful to queer identities that they personally don't understand.

fatphobia dni, seriously!!!!! i am fat, and while i am happy with my body, that doesn't mean fatphobia cant hurt me. im extremely sensitive to the topic. eating is also a very VERY sensitive topic and i will not be making posts about my eating habits nor will i engage in convos about it (unless its a silly question like my favorite snack!)

mean and judgmental therians do NOT touch my blog im serious! i dont care that you find 12 year old tiktok therians annoying or that you think physical alterhumanity is fake! stay the fuck off my blog or i'll bite you!

minors are free to follow and interact with my posts but please stay out of my dms thanky!!!! (i also will not be mutuals w you or follow back)

shit i dont interact with because i do not care: syscourse, shipping discourse (pro vs anti shit), or any variants of those things!! keep that shit off my blog because i literally dont care about either of them (and dont consider me "neutral" on either of them because of that, either. im not neutral im just not involved.)

TAG SYSTEM

#✩🌈🐶 YAPPER ONLINE - regular posts, talking, etc

#✩🌈🐶 CRAFTS - stuff ive made

#✩🌈🐶 FOAMING - rant, vent, etc

#✩🌈🐶 MAIL - answering asks

#✩🌈🐶 NONNIE - anonymous asks

#✩🌈🐶 REDOG - reblogs

[loving-n0t-heyting]

If it’s not too personal, can I ask about your experience with antipsychotics and why they didn’t work for you? And general opinions? I was considering them really hard but I’m very wary and don’t want to take something that isn’t like. Worth stopping hallucinations. I guess.

Definitely. Somewhat tmi at parts, below the readmore

So i should say upfront that I am not psychotic and was not prescribed antipsychotics for psychosis, and the medications on reflection achieved basically nothing for me beyond their “side” effects; so I can’t speak directly to the comparative badness of hallucinations and antipsychotics (though there are many, many psychotic ppl you can easily find who will attest the cure is worse than the disease, and I have promised myself on the basis of my own experiences not to seek out medication even in the event I start undergoing serious hallucinations—it’s just that bad ime). This is the sort of thing that happens in psychiatry bc the entire discipline is half-submerged in the equivalent of bloodletting and humours-balancing

My own experience is principally with “extrapyramidal” symptoms: akathisia, dystonia, and a weird symptom I have not found attested in the literature that tended to co-occur with dystonia where I would desperately seek out circles in my field of vision. Akathisia was the worst of these (followed by the circle lust and then dystonia—tho they were all torture), and it went away after 6wk on lurasidone, but would start up again from 0 if I dropped the meds for more than a few days and then picked them back up. I experienced a brief respite from suicidality when I started the drug, which at the time I chalked up to efficacy, but looking back was more plausibly just akathisia painfully draining so much of my attention to itself I could not even contemplate suicide. Propranolol helped mitigate it, but only partially. You can find a lot of claims on the internet to the effect that akathisia is torture (the wiki article even includes citations for the claim it was used as such against political dissidents in the USSR), and they are right

The other two were also quite awful, developed only some time into my taking them, usually occurred together by the end, and persisted until I quit the drugs altogether; I am told from a nurse that inducing dystonia over the course of years is known to cause permanent neurological disability, which I was lucky to escape. My particular brand was “oculogyric crises” every 2-3 nights lasting ~5-7h, in which my eyes would roll painfully far back into my head virtually uncontrollably, taking a Herculean effort to move at all, at which time I would suffer from horrifying intrusive thoughts and lose my ability to speak clearly and without needless repetition. I could go into great detail about the circle lust, too, but suffice it to say it was miserable and incapacitating to the point that unlocking my phone became a struggle (too distracted by the circles in the numbers on the keypad to focus on entering the passcode)

At some points the drugs I used to treat these symptoms were almost as bad as the side effects themselves. Cogentin was the only one to really stop the dystonia, and even at a low dose it caused urinary retention that forced me to go to the ER to get a catheter installed so I could walk around for the next several days with a tube connecting my bladder thru my urethra to a bag of piss strapped to my leg. After that, I had to start relying on increasingly large doses of Benadryl to achieve a lower level of dystonia suppression; I did not reach the point of the drug’s notoriously bad trips, but I was running the risk

I was lucky enough to avoid the cognitive blunting also known to commonly affect antipsychotics druggies but that was dumb luck on my part, and they sound both nightmarish and fiendishly self-obscuring. Check out robnost’s category tag in the link

In conclusion, I would strongly urge you to seriously question whether the hallucinations are bad enough to be worth it, especially in light of the drugs’ tenuous levels of long term effectiveness . I think categorical denunciations of drugs are generally most likely to shut down thought one way or the other, but this comes as close as anything could for me I think. I would urge particular caution getting them prescribed by a professional embedded in a system capable of forcing compliance if at some point you abandon compliance of your own accord: involuntary confinement and drugging are very much realities for the psychotic and otherwise seriously mentally ill

Good luck, whatever path you decide on. I’m sorry the hallucinations are giving you trouble

[incorrect-batfam-quotes-mostly]

Happy Endometriosis Awareness Month. This is my story

Hi, I'm Nia and I have endometriosis. Probably. For the past several years I have been fighting to be believed by the healthcare system only to be told over and over again that there is nothing wrong with me. Despite the fact that I have all of the symptoms and that the 'whatever is wrong with me' has progressed in the past several years.

About a year and a half ago I went to the doctor for the first time about my debilitating pain where I was told that I was just overly anxious and my mental health was affecting my periods. I was given pain meds and sent on my way. After that it was a billion blood tests to see if it was a thyroid issue, hormonal imbalance, blood pressure, anemia, anything that could be tested was tested. Finally my doctor goes 'it's PCOS' and proceeded to list a bunch of symptoms that I did not have. Then I did not have it.

During this time I was given birth control medications. The first one, I was able to stay on for around a week before I rushed back to the doctor to change it because it was affecting me so badly. The second prescription was great, for all of two weeks. Then I bled for the entirety of October and thought I was going to bleed to death. I became seriously anemic because of it. The third one is the one I've been on for 4 months now. I'm tired and sore 24/7 but hey, at least I'm not dying.

I have missed over 50 classes this school year. It was not until my second medication failed so badly that my doctors finally agreed I probably had endometriosis and that it was certainly a serious situation.

For the past three years and a half years, my life has revolved around my period. It is a constant worry for me of when I will get it next and how bad it will be. It is also a terrifyingly realistic possibility that it will be several more years before I get any type of answer. 

Endometriosis is a horrific, cruel and neglected disease. At every turn, the job of advocating and fighting is left up to me. I have to call doctors, check in on referrals and beg and plead to be taken seriously. I’ve been told again and again I need to make the doctors like me, I need to make a connection. I need to make myself a human to them. Not another name on a list or another young person who doesn’t understand their own bodies. 

I keep fighting anyways. Most importantly, I talk about it. I was raised not to be ashamed of being a woman and I am not afraid to talk about my struggles, even if menstrual cycles are still considered taboo subjects by many. I know that there is something wrong and I refuse to stop searching for answers. I am not afraid of my body, I am afraid of the system that is determined to undermine and dismisss  womens pain. If you think you have endometriosis or something similar, put on some armor and get ready to be a warrior. It’s going to be a long journey and you’re going to have to fight. Fight like a girl. 

[thebastardgerard]

Recently, after reading my friend @metalheadsforblacklivesmatter ‘s posts, I thought it was finally time to share my own story experiencing medical racism, transphobia and sexism.

TW: MEDICAL TOPICS, RACISM, TRANSPHOBIA, SEXISM AND EDS.

Somethings about me and disclaimers:

For those who don’t know me, hi hello, what’s the dealio? My name is Kuco, I’m a two-spirit black-indigenous mixed person. I am light-skinned, but most people can tell I’m mixed or assume I’m Latino, to the point where my medical documents mark me as Hispanic despite myself telling them to change it. I’m also AFAB.

While my experience is bad, it’s not unique to just me. Other people who are apart of the BIPOC community have faced the same or much worse. Regardless, please listen those in the community with darker skin. They often face much worse. If you’re only comfortable listening to those with lighter skin and feel more comfortable while claiming you’re an ally, you’re wrong and need to do better.

My story:

In 2021, I was experiencing nausea and vomiting after I ate. After a week of this continuously happening while working, I went to see a doctor who sent me to a surgeon, who sent me to a gastroenterologist to see what could be done without surgery.

This doctor was a cis white man in his late 60s who was apparently “retired.” After pointing out my symptoms and how they were getting worse, he looked through my medical history and noticed I had anxiety. He immediately went to the conclusion of a “brain-to-gut” connection, saying it was often found in woman. (Shock to no one, that wasn’t the case. Also, the issue was not my anxiety. My anxiety has progressive gone down and was at the lowest it had been in YEARS. My therapist at the time even confirmed this himself.) During this time, he also repeatedly referred to me using she/her pronouns, despite that my medical record points out that I am transgender and went by he/him pronouns at the time. (Despite me pointing this out, he continued to ignore this.) He gave me medications that were supposed to help, a doctor’s note (as I worked at the time) and sent me on my way.

Things only got worse. After 6 months of my symptoms getting worse and worse (to the point I could not eat solid food and started vomiting liquid) and several tests, he still believed it was a brain to gut issue. I had lost a lot of weight, to the point my own family noticed.

One of the last appointments I had with this doctor involved what’s called a gastric emptying test. For this test, a radioactive isotope (which isn’t harmful to humans) is put into some eggs and ingested. Pictures are taken of your stomach to track how long the isotope stays in your stomach after 2 hours, 3 hours, and 4 hours. Normally, your stomach is meant to empty at the 2 1/2 to 3 1/2 hour mark. (By what I was told, mind you.)

My stomach emptied finally at the ladder end of 4 hours. This was considered on the way lower end of normal.

Once my doctor got this result, this was his response: The test says that your empty is at the lower end of what was normal, so that’s normal. Just keep taking your meds. It’s more common for Caucasian (white) people to have more serious gastric problems. Just so you know, I’m not writing you another note for your work, it’s not what I do.

This is what broke the camel’s back.

I called my primary care doctor and let her know that I wanted a different doctor who was a woman to see. I told her that he wasn’t listening to me nor taking me seriously and I refused to see him again. I also let her know that he was refusing to write me anymore work notes, despite the issue not being resolved. (A small time after this, my job let me go due to not having a return date. They said I was allowed to reapply afterwards, but I didn’t for different reasons. That’s another story for a different day.)

My primary care doctor sent me to a different doctor who was a woman and also happened to be a POC.

I had an appointment a week later, in which I told her all my symptoms and how I was barely able to eat it drink anything without being nauseous and vomiting. She listened to me while looking at my previous results from previous tests, in which she saw my gastric emptying test.

Her response was: Your test says your emptying is on the lower end of what’s normal, but by what you’re saying, it’s only gotten worse. Why didn’t he give you anything? I’m surprised you’re even talking to me right now.

I told her that he had said that due to my anxiety, it was a brain to gut issue, which was common for “woman” and continually insisted on that, as well as his other comments. She concluded I have a condition called Gastroparesis, or delayed gastric emptying. This is a condition that affects the stomach muscles and prevents proper stomach emptying. While there isn’t a certain idea of why it happens, it’s thought that those who previously suffered from EDs and have diabetes contract it more. (I had suffered from EDs when I was younger and have a history of diabetes that runs in my family, which is where I believe my causes came from.)

I suffered 9 months with this condition without proper treatment, in which my symptoms were prolonged, got worse, and almost passed, all because if ONE doctor.

While I got better for a time, I’m still battling with this condition, as well as other conditions that came along.

~~~~~~~~~

When those in the BIPOC community tell you we don’t trust white people, especially doctors, it’s because we’ve been shown time and time again the complete disregard for our care and safety.

Use your allyship for good and protect us.

I would like to thank my friends for your help, but especially with my partners and my friend @metalheadsforblacklivesmatter . They helped me so much through those 9 months, and even now continue to help and support me. I love you guys so so much. 🩵🩵🩵